It's over, face it.

Today I found out that someone I know tried to kill herself. I didn't breakdown and cry like I though I might have. I didn't feel anything, nothing. I'd even go as far as to say I didn't care. That same person told me "Sasha, I know you're in there somewhere, stop thinking Sasha, feel."

She dosen't know anything.

Today I told someone just how much I hated them. It felt so good, even though I was kicking her when she was down. I was told to be honest, so I was, and I don't regret it. She's a bitch and she should know it.

Today I found out someone was jealous of me. I was flattered, and I'm not planning to change. I've never been the best at anything, so now i've got some recognition I'm not going to tone it down.

Today I admitted I was a selfish, attention seeking bitch inside, and I was proud. From now on I'm going to be who I am.

Today I decided that a friend would be the friend and tomorrow I will tell her everything. I will tell her that my parents almost split up. I will tell her that what I seriously dream. I will tell her who I love and how much it's hurts me. I will tell her how lonely I feel. I will tell her that I hide myself in books and stories to try and fill the gap that my shrinking self esteem left. I will tell her that I cut myself because it made me feel more whole.

I will tell her everything.

It's wierd knowing that I'm so happy in a time where all around me people seem to be falling apart. It's even wierder that for some reason I couldn't care less. It's like I've lost my conscience. I know who my friends are, and who I want to be more than friends, and who I don't want to be friends with at all. I feel confident and almost whole and great. But it can only last a small amount of time.

I'm falling for someone I really shouldn't be.